THE CHESTNUT "AMITYVILLE" HOUSE HORROR!

"What's Happening!" I screamed as I swung open our large Victorian front door. (I was channeling Dana (Dominique Dunne), Carol Anne's elder sister in "POLTERGEIST")
There, standing on the sweeping staircase, was Jon. Blood pouring down his dandy-featured face.
Jon screamed out,"CROWBAR...fallen..into...nose! Please, rush me to the hospital!"
As, we screeched down Chestnut to KU Med, The tragic tool story unfolded...
"You see, I wanted to surprise you by taking out a wall. I had wedged a crowbar on the ledge, started pulling the dirty 1980's salmon pink shag carpet up , when, well, it dislodged, and landed-point first on my nose!"
"The ghosts!" I whispered. "The Ghosts."
Really. I should start at the beginning of this wild two weeks in our new (old..circa 1884) mansion. You see, the first days of moving in, a stout, solid woman in a casual blue blouse named WINNIE GOLDSMITH stopped by. She, with her husband and two children had lived in the house for thirty years until "the Hispanic Man", as she put it, bought it in 2001.
"The "HISPANIC MAN" is the one who illegally converted this grand dame into five apartments," WINNIE said in a whisper.
Well, on our two hour tour of the house with WINNIE, we learned that the previous owners before the GOLDSMITH'S were the FINCHES. AN ECCENTRIC WIDOW LIVING WITH HER SON (AN ALCOHOLIC MAN WHO NEVER WAS MARRIED!)
"We found hundreds of his liqueur bottles in the walls of the attic. He died of consumption in this very room! "WINNIE proclaimed. (Insert lightning and thunder here)
After this tour, "THINGS" began happening.
First, Jon was taking a "moment" in the upstairs bathroom when the door opened seven inches.
Jon yelled out " Ron, I am in here having a moment!" The door swiftly shut. "Thank you!" But, you see, I was in the front yard planting heirloom plants from the 1880's. It was not me.
Secondly, several days later, Jon and I were sitting in the front parlor on the Silk Damask sofa sipping Spritzers, casually talking about the "moment", when the front door swung open and then slammed. We both screamed. The door was LOCKED!
Third, Jon's nose meeting a crowbar. Seven stitches!
Fourthly, and this is the scariest moment, or as Jon likes to call it "The Amityville" section of our ghost story, thousands of black flies invaded our circa 1970's kitchen and back bathroom.(see photo for proof) Jon's mom and dad say it could be wet mold pockets in the wall where the maggots live. The internet fly web page says it could be a dead bird or beaver, or rodent like thing stuck somewhere making a condo for the flies. But, I know it is Mr.FINCH, the bachelor son. Booze, and drunken dandies always attract flies (cartoons in the 1940's were always drawn that way)
And all the other Changeling things happening? MRS. FINCH. That is the only explanation.
"WE EMBRACE YOU FINCHES! WE WILL MAKE THE HOUSE SHINE AGAIN! BECAUSE MRS.FINCH, WE KNOW IT MUST OF BEEN HARD LIVING, FOR 70 YEARS, WITH YOUR DRUNKEN BACHELOR SON!"

Until next week...

-Ron (and Jon and Atticus and Winnie and The Finches, etc...etc...etc...)